3 Parenting Tips From Reality Discipline

Today's Theme: Love and Discipline

I read a good article this morning by Shana Schuttle, called The Wonders of Reality Discipline (She starts off writing about lipstick, but guys keep reading, it gets better.)

Reality Discipline is based on the writing of child-psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman's article, "First things first", in which he says "..discipline your children in such a way that he/she accepts responsibility and learns accountability for his actions."

There are two great examples of Reality Discipline in Shana Schuttle's story



1 - A mom who lets her teenage son, who is always getting up late for school, miss his bus so that he has to
     walk to school - Boom! Reality check

2 - A mom going to pick up her son from preschool only to have the child run around the playground trying
     to get away. The solution to fix this problem involves ice cream, but for the mom not the child. Check out
     the article to see if you could pull this off.

Dr. Leman says in his book, "Have a new kid by Friday" Reality Discipline has 3 principles

1 - Don't focus on creating a happy child.
     The goal of parenting is not to create happy kids; rather it's to create responsible kids.

2 - Understand your child's reality.
     Know what's important to your kid - what really moves them in their Reality.

3 - Make sure that Reality Discipline is grounded in love.

This made me think of Hebrews 12:11
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

 Question:
What Form of Discipline works best with your child?

Comments

  1. Ella10/25/2012

    I think everything requires a balance, including how we choose to parent. Though we must teach our children accountability, I believe we can create a divide that is hard to repair and in some cases impossible (especially in teen years) if one takes too literally "The goal of parenting is not to create happy kids; rather it's to create responsible kids."

    This kind of philosophy sounds like fear based parenting. It also suggests that it's an either or scenario. However, one can work to develop a happy well adjusted child who is "also" responsible. As a parent I do not want to raise a child that is so afraid of doing something wrong that her joy is stolen at a young age. Or that her sense of adventure and a healthy dose of risk taking are squelched. This creates Lemmings, followers, not independent visionaries of the future. And at worse, creates deeper psychological scars that may take our children a life time to repair.

    An excellent book that offers the balance (guidance that as parents we must provide, yet balanced with kindness so they can trust us with their vulnerabilities and won't shut down) is Tim Kimmel's "Grace-Based Parenting." Every parent should read this.

    ~Ella

    ReplyDelete
  2. 2330 Sutton Place10/25/2012

    Ella thank you again for a great comment I look forward to reading "Grace Based Parenting" . I love to read any book that would improve or give me a different way think about parenting. I agree there has to be a balance and you make a great point about not wanting to create Lemmings, I know if I can remember that discipline is a form of love it helps me find that balance. One of my favorite verses on parenting is Proverbs 29:17 " Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." Thank you again and if you have any other books for us to check out we would love to hear about them.

    ReplyDelete

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