Tips On How To Talk To Elderly Parents
The other day I took some time off work to drive my father to a doctors appointment. He had a hip replacement last year and was having some pain and wanted to get it checked out. My mother normally drive him to the appointments but she is dealing with pain in her knee, her doctor wants to do a knee replacement, and it makes it difficult to drive. It was a bit of a drive to the doctors office but we really didn't talk that much.
As my parents get older, my dad is 77 and my mom 67, its hard to talk to them sometimes without causing a disagreement or a fight. I will say something wrong and next thing you know the cone of silence has come down on us and nobody say anything for a while.
I found a great article on Agingcare.com with 9 tips on how to deal with this situation.
1- Don't Give Advice Unless It's Asked For
2- Listen to What Your Elderly Parent is Saying
3- Accept Differences of Opinions
4- Speak Distinctly
5- Don't Condescend
6- Choose the Right Environment
7- Consider What It Is Like To Be Old
8- Pick Your Battles
9- Laugh When you Can
As my parents get older, my dad is 77 and my mom 67, its hard to talk to them sometimes without causing a disagreement or a fight. I will say something wrong and next thing you know the cone of silence has come down on us and nobody say anything for a while.
I found a great article on Agingcare.com with 9 tips on how to deal with this situation.
1- Don't Give Advice Unless It's Asked For
2- Listen to What Your Elderly Parent is Saying
3- Accept Differences of Opinions
4- Speak Distinctly
5- Don't Condescend
6- Choose the Right Environment
7- Consider What It Is Like To Be Old
8- Pick Your Battles
9- Laugh When you Can
I think that rule #7 is particularly important. It's human nature to see the world through what we know: our current state. If however, we stretch ourselves through compassion, to see the world from their perspective, we will find our compassion grows further-and our patience as a result.
ReplyDeleteRecently I began to need reading glasses. It was a most frustrating change for me who has been blessed with 20-20 vision all my life. The most simple routine things like reading labels while grocery shopping, becomes quite the impossibility when I forget to bring my reading glasses. This experience for me has actually been a blessing. To think, that introducing this frustration into my life can be a blessing.
For me, this presented itself as an opportunity, however small in comparison, to identify with my parent's frustration of losing abilities and skills that were once second nature and perhaps even taken for granted.
I notice how others can be impatient when I have to pause to grope in my purse for my reading glasses. That gives me a small sampling of how the rest of the world has little patience for someone who isn't just like them. This causes me to ponder how have I been impatient with my parents? Ouch.
By being forced into this new stage of my life (I certainly didn't choose to need reading glasses), this revised state of being, I now face not only my own frustration, but also potentially that of others on my path. So too then, older parents face even larger obstacles and frustrations (their own and as the recipient of others' lack of patience).
I was appalled last year when during a visit with my mom, I took her grocery shopping, and a strong 40 something man tried to bulldoze my mom out of the way with his shopping cart. No shame, no guilt. It was unabashed selfishness on his part. He almost skinned her ankles with the cart. I let out a loud, "Watch it!" and stepped in to protect my mother from this moron's self-centered objective. The elderly are often ignored and treated as invisible, as apparently she must have had her invisible shield up.
If we practice putting ourselves in our elderly parents' shoes, we soon realize that this aging process claims our parents sooner than we are prepared for, and certainly sooner than they are. This uninvited guest stirs up anxiety, fear, and frustration on our parents' part. And often for us as well. I think that one day I would like people to have compassion for me when I move slower in a line, or take longer for a transaction.
"Do to others as you would like them to do to you." (Luke 6:31) Every day we can practice assisting the elderly as we go on in our daily routines. Opening a door and being patient not to rush them through it, watching if they struggle with something, so we can lend a hand...there are so many opportunities if we just open our eyes to the elderly, rather than treat them as invisible. I believe then our vision clears, and we can learn skills we can use with our own parents. By observing how we treat our parents and the elderly around us, our children learn how to treat us in our later years.
Blessings to you and your parents!
~Ella
Ella thank you for the comment and the insight in this subject. I think you gave a great example of what the elderly have to deal with daily. Glad to know you we're there for your mother at the store and that she didn't get hurt. I know society today values youth over all but think we could all benefit by remembering Leviticus 19:32 " Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly." Thank you again for sharing
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