Bullied to Death

It is with much regret that we write this post, as our community has suffered the loss of a 12 year old boy, Miguel Rodriguez. Unfortunately the incident that took his life was not his health or a vehicle accident. The tragedy of this story is a too familiar trend that is on the rise and one of which could have been prevented. See this 12 year hung himself due to school bullying. The excessive day-in and day-out stress and uncertainties of school robbed him of his joy to live and in the end it’s said he wrote “No body loves me and I have nothing to live for”. Our hearts break for his family, moreover; for a trend that is taking the lives of young children before they have even began to live.


In late 2012, our community grieved the loss of a 16 year girl, Jessica Laney. Friends kept telling her to close her ask.fm account, a social networking website where people can post anonymous questions on a person's profile. For months, Jessica — a beautiful, slender, soccer player — had been flooded with hate mail. She closed her account twice but ultimately reopened them due to curiosity. Hate mail piled up: “your fat, your mean, nobody likes you.” In her best efforts she rebutted the slander. "Die", someone posted. "Maybe later", Jessica wrote, "I'm to busy focusing on my future”,“You have pretty eyes but your fat," someone posted. "Awesome, but I’m not fat," she said. "I don't like you," someone posted. Jessica sent a video in response and said she didn't care. She winked and smiled. "Nobody even cares about you," someone wrote. "Yes they do," Jessica said. "Can you just kill yourself already?", someone wrote. "Why?" Jessica posted. Several days later she had spoken with friends and seemed fine. However, to their shock, Jessica committed suicide due to cyber bullying.

Whether it be cyber bullying or school bully, the attacks are the same and the results end in despair. The attacks hit at the root of all a young person is seeking: self image, acceptance and companionship. The old cliche goes “a lie told long enough, is ultimately believed". The Bible says there is, “life and death in the power of the tongue”.  Many parents assume that a few scuffles here and there are par for the course during childhood, and that dealing with a bully builds character, especially if your child learns to stand up to the offender.

However bullying is abusive, ugly and disturbingly common, with profound and sometimes lethal consequences. It is critical that we as parents are not only aware of the signs of a child being bullied, but provide an environment where our kids feel free to express themselves. Just as parents seek the refuge of their homes after a long stressful day, the same should hold true for our children. Our fast pace society leaves little room for solidarity. Communication must be priority in our homes. Start "on purpose" conversations that demonstrate interest and show love. The ill effects of bullying can be remedied. If you are suspicious, ask questions that express your interest and concern. Your child may be reluctant to reveal what has happened, and you may need to exercise some loving persistence to find out. Keeping silent will only allow the bully to continue what he/she is doing. Discuss what is being done and being said. If bullying has indeed occurred, make sure he/she understands that you take it very seriously. Discuss with your child what would best work in fixing the issues. Collect as much information as possible: who, when, where and what happened. Remember this is a sensitive subject and acting out of revenge towards the bully will only exasperate the situation. Once a plan as been devised, take appropriate action. Most importantly, defuse the negative comments with positive reinforcement. Assure your child that “hurting people, hurt people” and their comments are just one in comparison to the multitude of positive ones they receive. And by all means share your love and confidence with them. Sticks and stone may break my bones…but words “actually” do hurt me.

Be aware of the following indicators that you child might be experiencing harassment:
School Bullying
• Injuries, unexplained bruises, cuts or scratches
• Torn, damaged or missing clothing or other belongings
• Anxiety, tearfulness, moodiness and resistance to going to school
• Ongoing physical symptoms: headaches, stomachaches or fatigue that are invoked as reason to stay home

Cyber Bullying
• unexpectedly stops using the computer
• appears nervous or jumpy when an Instant Message, text message, or Email appears
• appears uneasy about going outside in general
• appears to be angry, depressed, or frustrated after using the computer
• avoids discussions about what they are doing on the computer
• becomes abnormally withdrawn from usual friends and family members