Kids, Say the Darnest Things
Here is a collection of recent parenting Tweets collected from various parents. I must admit, I can relate to half. Check out my very own incident at the end. Its not for the faint of heart. Enjoy!
1. The 3yo: "I had a booger. Blocking my nose. I took it out. And ate it. Yum. Yummy booger." And she wasn't lying, either.
2. What's wrong with those people? Who's driving those trucks? I don't like this."-Terrified 3yo watching Bob the Builder.
3. My kids have totally ruined the possibility of Netflix suggesting anything I would want to watch.
4. 2yo and I are about to embark on our maiden snuggle/movie on the new sofa. Ten minutes max before I fall asleep and she draws on my face.
5. Just discovered that my kid likes watching golf which is problematic because it's not good for me to be asleep when I'm alone with him.
6. Just washed down six cookies with a glass of white wine, in case you were wondering how taking my 2 kids to Disneyland went.
7. WARNING: little kid laugh squeals are habit forming for parents. Tickle responsibly.
8. Picking dog up from the vet. 6yo: But he's a boy! He can't have puppies anyway!! Me: Who wants ice cream??!!!
9. A Friday night spent listening to two girls try to commit the My Little Pony theme song to memory. Ah, motherhood.
10. If you give a kid a whistle... (don't EVER give a kid a whistle.)
11. the boy just hugged me & said, "thanks for life." I expected him to immediately junk punch me & run away laughing.
12. Me: "Dude, you need a bath." 5yo: "Just my hands? Or the whole THING of me?"
13. Parent: Will you PLEASE put on some underwear? 3yo: I've told you 3 times already that I don't want to. I'm not going to tell you again.
14. 3-yr-old talking on the phone when she accidentally drops it. She scrambles to the floor, puts it to her ear and asks, "Are you hurt?!"
15. Me to 6yo: you're a smart cookie. 6yo: I am not a cookie. I'm a human being.
16. Some days around here, things go pretty smoothly. Other days, I find a child brushing her Barbie's wet hair with my toothbrush.
17. My 7yo tells me I'm the "meanest mom ever!" It's tough to maintain such a lofty position, but I'm committed to the process.
18. In case you wonder why I don't encourage my kids to eat in public, I just had to say the words, "Stop making your yogurt fart" out loud.
19. Instead of napping, my kid is apparently shaking down his stuffed animals, yelling "Gimme my money!" I knew he was too young for Goodfellas.
20. 5YO: "Let's play the 'Quiet Game,' Mama!" (Am I dreaming? Hallucinating? Dead?)
21. Forever grateful I became a parent in the age of Netflix, potable DVD players, smartphones and yoga pants.
22. I just put my very awake baby in the crib and walked away as an April Fool's Day joke. She didn't get it.
23. MOM: There is no moment that's anything like the moment both children are finally asleep.
24. MY VERY OWN SON
Son telling story of octopus he saw (company present): Dad that octopus had huge testicles. ME: What? Son (slightly louder voice): That octopus had huge testicles. Me: You mean tentacles.
One vowel and constant, I see where he went wrong.
Have any funny experiences, stories, kid's thoughts, etc. Would love to hear them.
1. The 3yo: "I had a booger. Blocking my nose. I took it out. And ate it. Yum. Yummy booger." And she wasn't lying, either.
2. What's wrong with those people? Who's driving those trucks? I don't like this."-Terrified 3yo watching Bob the Builder.
3. My kids have totally ruined the possibility of Netflix suggesting anything I would want to watch.
4. 2yo and I are about to embark on our maiden snuggle/movie on the new sofa. Ten minutes max before I fall asleep and she draws on my face.
5. Just discovered that my kid likes watching golf which is problematic because it's not good for me to be asleep when I'm alone with him.
6. Just washed down six cookies with a glass of white wine, in case you were wondering how taking my 2 kids to Disneyland went.
7. WARNING: little kid laugh squeals are habit forming for parents. Tickle responsibly.
8. Picking dog up from the vet. 6yo: But he's a boy! He can't have puppies anyway!! Me: Who wants ice cream??!!!
9. A Friday night spent listening to two girls try to commit the My Little Pony theme song to memory. Ah, motherhood.
10. If you give a kid a whistle... (don't EVER give a kid a whistle.)
11. the boy just hugged me & said, "thanks for life." I expected him to immediately junk punch me & run away laughing.
12. Me: "Dude, you need a bath." 5yo: "Just my hands? Or the whole THING of me?"
13. Parent: Will you PLEASE put on some underwear? 3yo: I've told you 3 times already that I don't want to. I'm not going to tell you again.
14. 3-yr-old talking on the phone when she accidentally drops it. She scrambles to the floor, puts it to her ear and asks, "Are you hurt?!"
15. Me to 6yo: you're a smart cookie. 6yo: I am not a cookie. I'm a human being.
16. Some days around here, things go pretty smoothly. Other days, I find a child brushing her Barbie's wet hair with my toothbrush.
17. My 7yo tells me I'm the "meanest mom ever!" It's tough to maintain such a lofty position, but I'm committed to the process.
18. In case you wonder why I don't encourage my kids to eat in public, I just had to say the words, "Stop making your yogurt fart" out loud.
19. Instead of napping, my kid is apparently shaking down his stuffed animals, yelling "Gimme my money!" I knew he was too young for Goodfellas.
20. 5YO: "Let's play the 'Quiet Game,' Mama!" (Am I dreaming? Hallucinating? Dead?)
21. Forever grateful I became a parent in the age of Netflix, potable DVD players, smartphones and yoga pants.
22. I just put my very awake baby in the crib and walked away as an April Fool's Day joke. She didn't get it.
23. MOM: There is no moment that's anything like the moment both children are finally asleep.
24. MY VERY OWN SON
Son telling story of octopus he saw (company present): Dad that octopus had huge testicles. ME: What? Son (slightly louder voice): That octopus had huge testicles. Me: You mean tentacles.
One vowel and constant, I see where he went wrong.
Have any funny experiences, stories, kid's thoughts, etc. Would love to hear them.
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